Personal Stories
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Karen's Story
Jaundice
My first son, Jared was born over 8 years ago. He was 3 weeks early and was very sleepy and tiny, at 6 pounds, 1 ounce. In the hospital, I had many nurses come by my room to try to get Jared latched on, because he would suck a little, then fall asleep. In the end, we stayed in the hospital an extra night, to make sure he was nursing. At home, he still wouldn't nurse, and when we had him weighed, he had lost a whole pound. When he was 4 days old, we returned to the hospital for a weekend under the phototherapy lights. That was a rough weekend. I sat attached to a double-breast pump for an hour. Then, it would take me an hour to get the breastmilk into him from a syringe. Then, I got to sleep for an hour before the cycle started all over again. But I was determined my baby Jared would only have breastmilk. No formula for him.
Finally, the hospital said he was well enough to go home. He was still having trouble latching on to my breast, so we continued to feed him breastmilk from a syringe. Fortunately, expressing milk came very easily for me, and I soon had a freezer stocked with Ziploc bags of frozen breast milk cubes. Weaning him off the syringe and back onto the breast was a long process, but by 2 or 3 months, he was exclusively breastfeeding. Success!
Returning to Work
I had to return to work full-time when Jared was 7 months old. I was really not ready to wean, nor was he. Prior to my return to work, I was busy stockpiling breastmilk in the freezer for my mom, who would be feeding Jared expressed breastmilk in a bottle. Two or three times a week, she drove Jared in her car to my place of work, so that I could nurse him on my lunch break. On the days when I didn't see him at lunch, I would pump milk and keep it in the staff fridge for him to drink later. It was a wonderful arrangement.
Weaning
When Jared was 16 months old, I weaned him from breastfeeding. Had I known more about normal breastfeeding behaviour, I might have made a different choice. But Jared was waking up 2-3 times per night wanting to nurse, and I thought that if I weaned him, he would sleep through the night. So, our breastfeeding relationship was sadly over. And he didn't sleep through the night for another 6 months.
2nd breastfed baby
My second son, Quinn, was born in 2003. I had no problems nursing him at all. He was exclusively breastfed for six months, and continues to nurse to this day. Many nursing toddlers taper off their breastfeeding times as they grow older, but not my Quinn. He still nurses up to 6 or 7 times a day, although he doesn't nurse at night anymore. He started sleeping through the night shortly before he turned 3.
Nursing While Pregnant
When Quinn was 21 months old, and still a breastfeeding champion, I became pregnant. Almost immediatley, nursing Quinn was painful, and my milk disappeared due to hormones. But Quinn stubbornly hung on, cherishing his nursing times with me. By the 3rd trimester, nursing became almost unbearable painful. Now, in addition to sore breasts, I was experiencing hard contractions whenever I nursed him. My stomach would turn into a rock, and I had to take deep breaths and count to twenty until finally I would end the nursing session. One way I found to be tolerable was to lie on my bed, with Quinn lying beside me. That didn't hurt as much. Nursing while pegnant was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I was determined to let this nursling wean on his own.
Tandem-Nursing
Our third son, Jezek, was born on Christmas Eve in 2005. A labour less than 25 minutes, my unplanned natural childbirth. I nursed him almost immediately, and when family were taking their turns holding him, Quinn climbed up onto the hospital bed and had his beloved nursing session. Nothing had changed for him.
A few days later, when my milk came it, Quinn didn't like it. He opened his mouth and let the new milk dribble out, and, sadly, I thought he was done. But, after a day of tasting, he rejoined our breastfeeding team in full force. He doesn't mind sharing with his new baby brother at all, and often the two of them hold hands and stroke each other's hair while they are nursing. Jezek likes to bring his leg up and kick at Quinn, and they both giggle and poke one another's ears. I think that by continuing to nurse Quinn, the bond was formed quickly between them, and alot of sibling rivalry is avoided.
I have been tandem-nursing now for 14 months, and often it seems like our whole day revolves around breasts. Quinn needs comfort after a fall, Jezek needs to be nursed to sleep, Quinn is feeling left out, mom's going out, so Jezek needs to be topped-up before I go, gotta be back in an hour, because both of them will be looking for milk. And now, I express an extra 3-5 ounces per day to be frozen, and given to a donor baby.
Breastfeeding and Depression
I suffered from severe depression after each baby boy was born. Not PPD, because this has been carried from my childhood. Many times I was told to stop breastfeeding, because surely it was too stressful and was making me worse. But, what I was feeling inside, and is hard to explain, is that often I felt as if breastfeeding was the only thing I was doing right. I knew breast was best. I knew it was best for my babies, and by doing that, I was still a good mom. If I had stopped breastfeeding, surely I would have plummetted into the depths of dispair, knowing that I had failed, and deprived my babies of something so important, it was worth risking my health for. And still is.